Waiting far toooooo long for ignorance

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

Oscar Wilde

When I started this blog I promised that I would only post when there was something to say about my journey or transgender issues in general. For the first time I am noticing the world is not as advanced as I like to think and have come across my first incident of discrimination towards transgendered folk and the wider world of gender identity.

It was a simple matter that has no place to be repeated here but it got me thinking about how reacting, perceiving and reflecting are so intertwined into my existence now I am transitioning.

While it may take many forms the feelings left from being discriminated against are always the same
While it may take many forms the feelings left from being discriminated against are always the same

Before my life was simply a matter of surviving each day till its climax, not really thinking about any real future and basically existing in one form or another. It was fine if unexciting and sometimes lonely, but simplicity ruled my agenda and as long as I had a little fun once in a while, I could cope. Now I find myself in a whirlwind of excitement, parties, events and acceptance on a scale never known before. Not flitting from groups of friends to another or fashions and lifestyles never finding my way.

I have spent an eternity searching for something without knowing what it was.
I have spent an eternity searching for something without knowing what it was.

I have been lifting a torch against discrimination of TG/CD/TV folk within the London Fetish Scene, I will carry this torch with pride and help those who find themselves bullied or not accepted for being themselves. While I have not been subjected to any abuse myself a new friend I have made has been and I fought side by side with her to win the day for all. It was a shameful ‘tranny bashing’ style attack that was fuelled from ignorance and down right intolerance on an epic scale.

I feel proud that I can stand tall and finally have something in my life to fight for. Before I would crusade pointless political ideologies out of some jaded sense of reality to feel like a person. Now I am a real person with a real passion, desire and the courage to stand for what is right and just. There is a community for me to join and be free within and the joy I am feeling from watching myself grow is addictive and warm. No more self proclaimed vision of the perfect world, no more sitting on the fence and complaining. ACTION now rules my universe and I command its fire!

It takes courage to stand up for what you believe, it takes a lions heart to do it for everyone else.
It takes courage to stand up for what you believe, it takes a lions heart to do it for everyone else.

On a lighter note I am now, for the first time, really understanding what many have explained about the waiting game. I am waiting for a letter to confirm I am on the waiting list for the local gender clinic and everyday I rush home from work only to be disappointed and I sigh to myself. This is going to be a long journey of waiting for the train to come, the train that will whisk me away to a beautiful place of dresses and shoes.

It maybe should be a slow process as rushing around has never done anyone any good. If it was easy it would not take us so long to realise it in the first place. All the years I have spent pondering my very existence seem to have a new sense of purpose when compared to the waiting. The mental process is complex and with so many pitfalls that to continue growing takes a keen eye and deep thought. But through all this I know I am ready for the challenges before me and adding in my new crusade of sorts has justified this decision to more than just a gamble. It could just be my calling in life!

One day I will be at peace with myself and the world.
One day I will be at peace with myself and the world.

I continue to build my wardrobe and have new ideas for makeup which should hopefully refuel my excitement for this whole escapade and allow me to bask once again in the sun of enlightenment.

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