“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
After the family were given time to adjust to the news and accept Faith it was the turn of my friends to show their character. I have explained my transition to the majority of them now and overall the results have been positive which is a huge relief as one of the few aspects that was worrying me was people running for the hills.
So far, they have all got right behind me and one even asked to meet Faith properly which I thought was amazing and was so happy to be asked. I rushed home from work to get ready for our night out and when I had my slap on, pretty dress and cute shoes I rushed downstairs like a giddy schoolgirl. Without hesitation I burst into the living room where my friend and brother were sitting. They were taken aback slightly, at first, but it felt astonishing to finally be myself in front of people that have known me for a long time. My world had finally opened, no more locked doors, no more prison of torment, no more boring man!
The night went splendidly and I also bridged the gap between my cross-dressing life and my old life. My friend was happy to mix with all the new friends I have made the last couple of years and now I feel as though my life is becoming complete and not just a mixed up pointless existence. It shows how much your world can change for the better by being honest with yourself and those around you. Never, in a million years, did I think an old school friend would be with me, while I was pretty, and enjoying my life with me in this way. I can now look back and forward and see a person, not just a being. The freedom I now have to be as I please has given me the confidence to take on the next challenges that lay ahead.
My assessment is just around the corner and while the excitement is keeping me going, I am fearful. What if they think I am just looking for attention? What if they see a cross-dresser rather than a woman? What if my cocky and assured approach to all this is some cover for a huge underlying issue I am hiding from? The amounts of positives since I began my journey have far outweighed the negatives and I cannot help but think something has to peg me back. I no longer feel depressed, I am not fearful of rejection and I am more proactive about everything than at any other time of my life.
I am also booked in for my first round of blood work and there could be an issue with thrombosis. You see, when I suffered the broken leg the doctors put metal bars and pins in to hold it altogether. I just get this nagging suspicion that this will be my first barrier I cannot blast through on my journey. I would be devastated if I could not be prescribed hormones and I do worry that my confidence and happiness will be broken. But I have no control of that and one thing I have learned in all my years of sorrow is do not worry about the bits you cannot change.
Whatever the future holds for me at least I can say I have given life a go and now plan to never look back. I have my family and friends behind me, confidence to succeed and a smile as big as a bus!